Saturday, April 18, 2009


My husband and I have been together for almost 12 years and married for almost five.  I really wanted it to last forever, but now my entire future is in question.  Not just my future with him, but MY future.  The thought of leaving is so scary... to start all over, to make a new print on the earth, to survive single parenthood.  The idea of staying brings with it safety, security, financial stability, but not necessarily a happy and loving relationship.  My husband and I get along great for the most part, although we've obviously "lost that loving feeling" as of late.  Will it ever really be possible for me to trust him, or anyone else, again?  The thought of growing old alone scares me out of my skin, but I'm not so sure I believe in the goodness of man anymore, so maybe to be alone and hidden in my own shell would be a better alternative than risking having my heart stomped on again, by anybody.    

I have been reading the book "The Truth about Cheating" (sorry, I don't know how to underline on here) by Gary Neuman and have learned some interesting statistics:

1.  The married men studied by Gary Neuman were married for an average of six years before having their first affair (p. 35). 
2.  69% of men in the study who cheated never believed (before the affair) that they would ever cheat (p. 4).
3.  Only 7% of cheating men in the study admitted infidelity freely, without being questioned (p. 4).
4.  68% of the men denied cheating even after questioning and/or admitted the infidelity only after being confronted with hard evidence of the affair (p. 4).
5.  Of the cheating men studied by Gary Neuman, 54% cheated with one woman, while 46% admitted cheating with more than one woman over time.  
6.  Neuman writes, "The results of studies are spread widely, suggesting that anywhere from 22 to 70% of husbands cheat on their wives.  Many suggest the current acceptable statistic is that roughly half of all men have had affairs (p.4)."  

Wow.  If approximately half of men cheat and only 7% of them tell their wives without being questioned, how many unsuspecting, loving wives are living in a false reality?  Pretty scary, if you ask me.  Which brings me back to the question of how in the world I will ever be able to trust any man again, ever, no matter how wonderful and trustworthy he may seem.  


  1. I just found out yesterday that my husband cheated on me. I guess actually this falls under the same category as your friend Tina- there was a kiss and then many emails, texts, and phone calls. He said that it was over- we've moved across the country since the kiss... and the emails I found do seem to support that. But I completely understand everything you've said. I feel like I could have written pretty much everything you wrote. We have four children- adopted from foster care- they have already been through so much I just don't think I can put them through a divorce on top of everything else. But how do I stay when I can't trust him?

  2. momof4monsters... I am so, so sorry for you. The most terrible thing about the cheating, I think, is the complete disrespect the man exhibits toward his family in being willing to risk it all for some instant gratification. You've moved across the country together? How did you find out about the cheating? Is he acting remorseful? Ugghh... hang in there! Hopefully we can support each other through all of this..

  3. Kim- the short answer is that I found out by checking his myspace account. He's in the military- which is why we moved across the country- it's only been about a month since we moved. He is acting very remorseful. A part of me wants to work things out... but another part just wants to get as far away from him as possible.