Wednesday, July 22, 2009

To all the cheaters out there...

and wow, statistics say there really are a lot of you!  I would love to hear your comments on the questions I am about to post.  

1.  Did you take your wedding vows knowing that you would likely cheat one day, or did you at one point in your life think cheating was something you'd never do?
2.  If you are a "serial cheater," why not just end your marriage and live the single life?  Or talk to your husband/wife about having an open marriage?  Why all the deception? 
3.  Do you think about the consequences of your cheating, or just tell yourself you'll never get caught so it doesn't matter?  One of the biggest problems I had with my husband cheating is knowing that he was willing to risk his family for a few nights of self-indulgence.  When we sat down and had the conversation of what his life would really be like without me and the kids, he admitted he hadn't really thought about it.  He was caught up in the fantasy.  The reality of a life with Tramp would not have lived up to the fantasy.
4.  Do you / did you use protection?  My husband did not.
5.  How would you react if you discovered your spouse was cheating on you?  

I sometimes still feel like a fool for not leaving yet.  The wool could get pulled over my eyes very easily once again:  maybe it's already there.  If my husband cheats again there is a good chance I might not find out, since he has become wise to my now-investigative ways.  So yes, I understand that for him, and for many of you, cheating is like "having your cake and eating it too."  What I do not understand is why it is worth the risk and why you would not just end things with your spouse so that he/she could have a new chance at finding love and happiness.   

Monday, July 13, 2009

Oh, the drama...

Life can be so dramatic, and I'm not even a drama queen!  My life seems to be playing itself out like a movie-script right now:  girl with tumultuous yet overall happy childhood marries insecure wanna-be-movie-star (have I mentioned that yet?), wanna-be cheats after birth of second child, girl-turned-woman cries internally but puts on a good show for the world, girl-turned woman has a chance encounter with ex-boyfriend/lost love and is swept off her feet and into the sunset for a happily ever after ending...

Okay, okay, so it didn't happen quite like that, BUT I did run into my ex-boyfriend while I was out with a friend for a drink.  This is the man whose heart I broke over twelve years ago after three years of dating.  The man who I always thought I would end up marrying, even AFTER I broke up with him.  The man whose engagement news made me cry.  The man with whom I envisioned having a romantic and sappy surprise reunion on Oprah someday.  One look at him and I was swept back into time, in a way that made me question everything around me.  He looked great, conversation flowed, and it wasn't long before I found out he and his wife are filing for divorce.  He wants kids, she does not.  All I could think was, "Is this fate?"  What is the likelihood that we would both have marriage troubles at exactly the same time and then run into each other?  After our run-in, my friend asked, "How did you not end up marrying  him?  He is soo your type.  You guys would be perfect together.  I love him!"  Since that night, we have texted in a strictly friendly manner a few times, but we are both people with high morals and straight priorities, so unless or until I get divorced, I will never know whether or not we could make a second go of things.

More drama, but not as much fun as the above, involves the job my husband recently quit.  Him quitting was a great thing:  it means no more manager's meetings where he would be thrown into the path of temptation (Tramp), no more atmosphere promoting a young, hip, hot image, and no more BS from his district manager.  He was offered a better job with a better company and the potential for wonderful future promotions.  However, after he quit, he received word that he would have to pay back the company $6,000 (!!!) in bonus money.  Yikes!  That is a LOT of money for anyone, and I freaked out when I found out.  Fortunately, my husband was able to earn about $4,000 by selling some of his more frivolous belongings, so the damage to our account was more like $2,000, which was still a big hit but left us with enough money to hopefully survive the summer.  There is NO WAY I could leave right now, even if I wanted to!

And boy oh boy, did I ever think I wanted to leave a couple of weeks ago.  I borrowed my husband's car, and decided to snoop around a bit.  It didn't take long before I found a cell phone in his trunk, hidden underneath a piece of paper and some swimming trunks.  My heart was beating out of my chest as I tried to turn it on.  Unfortunately for me, the phone was dead.  I slipped the phone into my purse and searched the house later that day in hopes of finding a charger.  When I could not find one, I went to the mall to purchase one.  I plugged it in, turned it on, and starting searching, but... nothing.  No service, no texts, no unrecognized numbers in the call logs, no damaging evidence.  I think part of me was hoping to find something, anything, that might give me that extra push to leave, and although I was very relieved to find nothing, a tiny fraction of my heart was disappointed (perhaps the fraction that is still in love with my ex?).  In fact, the phone had not been used since the end of October, and I'm pretty sure that is when we got new phones, so I think I simply found his old phone.  Why he would bury it in his trunk is beyond me, but I carefully put it back in hopes that if he ever has a REAL secret phone, this might be where he would hide it.    

On a positive note, we celebrated our fifth anniversary this weekend, and had a fabulous time together.  We are also taking a vacation in August (free accommodations and cheap air-fare), which I think will be a great way for us to see if we can reconnect more and for me to see if I can get back some of that lovin' feeling (I think I've lost it, really).  

Until next time...