Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Our Vacation

Well, we managed to leave our children home with the grandparents last week so we could fly to hot, hot, hot AZ for a vacation with some friends.  I was really hoping the trip would help me feel more connected to my hubby, but instead it made me yearn for what I will never have.  We spent some time with our friends' parents and some of their friends.  One of the lovely ladies, Bonnie, told me the love story that belongs to her and her husband, who died last year.  She talked about how much they worked as a team, how they hated to be apart, how much they made each other laugh through good times and bad, and how hard it's been to move on without him...  It made me sad.  I don't think I will ever have that type of love story, especially now.  I also watched our friends (who are married) throughout the week, and was jealous of the affection they shared with one another.  In the pool, they were almost always in each other's arms, and their love seemed so real - a love that is bound to stand the test of time.  

I believe I deserve a love like that.  A lifetime lived with my best friend and soul mate. Memories to cherish and pass on to my children and grandchildren.  A beautiful story to tell when I'm old and grey and staring at a worn photo of my wedding day.  So why did my life have to  take this ugly turn instead?   Yes, it might still be possible for me to find true love, but only at the risk of hurting my children by tearing our family apart.  Either way, my husband has stripped me of the happy ending I truly deserve.  

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