It all started off well.. the wedding was beautiful, we reconnected with old friends, and the wine and beer flowed at the reception hall. Although I was enjoying myself in the beginning, I found myself envious of the couples surrounding us. Once again, I was reminded that the subtle displays of love - stolen glances, the brush of a hand across a back, admiring smiles - are missing from my relationship. There was one couple in particular who caught my eye. If only our relationship could be like theirs, I thought...
Well, looks can be deceiving. I learned later that night that He had cheated on Her a few years ago. She said she was able to forgive and forget. I cannot. But I was grateful to be reminded that all of the "perfect" marriages out there probably are not as perfect as I think.
Anyway... my husband and I both consumed more than one too many drinks. He made an unkind comment that offended me, and I wandered off into the parking lot to call my best friend for a venting session. Unfortunately, I have a hard time seeing one incident as just one incident - instead, I have a tendency to remember every little thing that I do not like about my husband and our relationship. This, of course, meant I started dwelling upon the affair. My husband walked over and eventually apologized, and all was well for awhile, until I happened upon my husband's best friend from college. We'll call him "Ted."
I asked Ted if we could chat and proceeded to ask him if he knew if my husband had ever been unfaithful before his most recent affair. His response: "I don't think that's an appropriate question for you to be asking me." When I continued to badger him, he said "Well, as far as his escapades, I don't know, he never says anything to me." When I asked for details, I got nothing. Finally, he said "Well, we all know what a big flirt he is and that he says inappropriate things to women sometimes. Like tonight, when he was flirting with the bartender and told her she was hot." What???? At this point, I really flipped out. Why would a husband who is supposed to be doing everything he can to prove his faithfulness tell the bartender she is hot? OMG, what a scumbag!
This led to massive tears on my part, an uncomfortable situation between my husband and Ted, a public display of drunken arguing that will leave me forever embarrassed, and complete honesty on my part. I told my husband that part of me hates him, and that I really don't think I will ever trust him again. He told me he could not remember flirting with the bartender, but admitted he was so drunk that he couldn't deny it either.
When we got back to our hotel room, we talked a bit, but I was saddened once again as I realized my marriage as I once knew it truly is over. My lingerie stayed packed in the suitcase, and we eventually fell asleep, both of us restless.
The next morning we talked more soberly about our situation. He knows he was already on thin ice and that now the ice is cracking.
Only God knows what the future holds for us. Hopefully a happily ever after ending eventually, whether or not things work out between us. Until next time...