The Other Side

I read an awesome blog tonight, which reminded me that it has been way too long since I've posted an update.  The reason?  I am now on "the other side."  My past no longer consumes me, and I've let go of most of the pain and anger that were once a part of my daily existence.  It has now been almost four years since I first found out my now-ex-husband was cheating on me.  I have learned that life DOES get better.  I am in love again, my children continuously fill our home with laughter, and I see happiness in my future.  It took a long time for me to get to where I am today, and I still sometimes mourn the loss of the dream I had for my family, but I am now on the other side.  To every woman who is in the midst of the pain and fallout caused by infidelity...YOU will get here too.  And life is pretty good on the other side.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Exactly three years and one week have passed since the fateful day that turned my world upside down and left me cleaning up the mess of what I had once thought was love. If you had asked me then to predict where I would be at this exact moment, I would never have guessed that I would be sitting at home with a smile on my face, surrounded by the love of my children and a restored faith in true, romantic love.

Mr. Great Guy has continued to live up to his name. In fact, we are taking our first mini-vacation together this weekend: a trip to New York City, and I am so excited to see not only what is in store for us this weekend, but also what is in store for us as our journey together continues to unfold. And so it is with peace and love in my heart that I wish all of you a very happy Valentine's Day!

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." - Joseph Campbell

Back to Life

Wow, I can't believe I have let almost this entire year pass without posting an update! So much has happened! First and foremost, an on-line dating update: I went on dates with five or six different men from e-harmony after my last post, and none of them were what I was looking for. The dates were okay - it was nice to get out and enjoy a nice meal and conversation with someone new - but not worth pursuing anything more than a date or two in the end. I never really put much faith into on-line dating, and I'm not sure I would ever do it again. Too much hassle, too many frogs, too much money...

Luckily, I met a great guy through a friend of mine, and we've been dating since July! Within a week or two of meeting him, I closed my e-harmony account - not because I was immediately convinced he was "the one" or anything, but because I realized the two of us were way more compatible than anyone I had met on-line. I decided early on that if things didn't work out with him, I would rather rely on set-ups through friends or family than the computerized version of the search for love.

Mr. Great Guy is also divorced, has two kids, and has an ex-wife who cheated on him. It has been so much fun getting to know him and so comforting to be able to talk to someone who understands me, because he has gone through the same kind of pain. Was his ex-wife the female version of Tiger Woods? No. But she married the man she cheated with, and they now have a baby together. As fate would have it, she and I both attended the same concert a few weeks ago. I haven't met her yet, but if I would have run into her that night, I would have thanked her for letting go of Mr. Great Guy, because her loss has been my gain.

So how is Tiger (oh, excuse me, I mean Bill), you ask? Still dating multiple women, probably at the same time, as far as I can tell from his facebook updates. My anger has turned into pity for him, because I know he will never find a true, honest, loving relationship, and that all the sex in the world will not fill up his soul.

As for me, I have moved on, and I am not looking back.

My Go-To Answer to the Big Question

I struggle every time someone new discovers I'm divorced and asks me, "What happened?" A part of me wants to just say, "It's really none of your business," but at the same time, I want people to understand that the failure of my marriage was NOT my fault. That's right, I continue to refuse to take any blame for its demise, and I don't want people secretly imagining up their own twisted stories or judging me. Therefore, I have created a go-to line which pretty much sums up what happened and leaves people shocked enough that they don't ask me any more embarrassing questions: "Why did I get divorced? Oh... well, my ex-husband was aspiring to be like Tiger Woods. And I'm not talking about his golf game." Need I say more, really?

E-Harmony Guy #2

I had my third date tonight with E-harmony Guy #2. We went to a nice little restaurant and ate at the bar. It was an evening filled with good conversation and good wine, and it ended with a sweet little peck on the lips. I'm looking forward to seeing what might come of this... not getting my hopes up for anything long-term (and not even sure I want that right now), but like I said in my last post, he has potential. It's nice to know my daggers won't come out every time I interact with a man, since my faith in them as a whole has been obliterated. Happy Friday night!

35 days into the New Year...

You'll be happy to hear I am no longer sitting on the couch in my pajamas. In fact, almost immediately after writing my last post, I joined e-harmony! No more feeling sorry for myself. Time to move on. Never in my lifetime did I think I would ever join an online dating website, but really, where am I supposed to meet a fine young gentleman as a single mom of two young children? At the grocery store? Sure, I can picture it now... our eyes meet, my heart flutters, and then my son pees his pants and my daughter throws a cookie. Yes, I make a great first impression! Ha ha!

Anyway, my e-harmony subscription has led to four dates so far (with two different men). Both are six years older than me, since the men my age apparently go for women under 30 (I'm 32). I gave the first guy a second date out of pity, and the idea that sometimes it takes time to build chemistry. Needless to say, that did not happen. The second guy has possible potential, so we'll see what happens...

What else have I done with my New Year? Well, I gave up pop and chocolate, which is an impressive feat since I've been addicted to chocolate pretty much since I was born. Also, like everyone else, I'm on a mission to lose 10 pounds, so this week I started the "Cinch" diet, which meant all I could eat for five days was a combination of raspberries, yogurt, eggs, almonds, and spinach. Yum (note sarcasm).

As far as my ex... not missing him at all.

Here's to 2011! Cheers!

Lonely on New Year's Eve

How am I spending my New Year's Eve? On my couch, in my pajamas, eating Chinese take-out, watching a movie, and drinking Strongbow. Alone.

It's not that I don't have plenty of great family and friends to hang out with - I do. But most of them are home with their own spouses and children, since we are not as young as we once were. Which makes me feel sad, and lonely, and... old.

Bill and I used to find something fun to do every New Year's Eve. A concert, a dance club, a comedy show, a nice dinner, a hotel... And even though I don't miss him, exactly, I definitely miss the idea of him. The companionship. Having someone to call at any time of the day for any reason. A reason to get all dolled up and go out on the town.

Sigh. Cheers to you all and to the New Year. I am going to go stuff my face with some more cream-cheese won-tons, and wash them down with another Strongbow.