My Plan, Today

Here is my plan, as of today... though I feel a bit like a person with a split personality for as much as my plan varies from one day to the next (I'm going to leave, I'm going to stay, I'm going to leave, I'm going to stay)...

But on this day, my plan is to:

1.  Stay through the summer, since I do not have a steady income right now but will when I return to my teaching job in late August.

2.  Gradually try to stash away some cash without my husband knowing:  my emergency fund.  So far, I have about $1,400.

3.  Begin researching my options.  For example, could the kids and I afford to stay in the house if we rented the basement bedroom out?  Are there affordable townhome rentals in the area?  Should we move out of town to live in my mother's finished basement for awhile?  

4.  Talk with an attorney at some point over the summer to find out what is legally and monetarily required to get a divorce in my state.

5.  Be civil with my husband, bring up the possibility of divorce occasionally so it's not a shock to him if that's the news I deliver at the end of the summer, but do not tell him before the end of the summer even if I become 100% confident that I AM going to leave.  I feel like I need plenty of time to stash cash while we still have joint assets.  

6.  Attend more counseling sessions with my husband throughout the summer as I continue to assess whether or not I think he really has "seen the light" after all of this.

To sum it up, I am going to plan for a divorce so that I am  prepared, but I am going to take my time.  I am also going to keep my heart open to the possibility of building a stronger marriage and making things work, but at this moment, my gut is telling me divorce is in my future.